


im sorry || phan

by oceannphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 16:59:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14085483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceannphan/pseuds/oceannphan
Summary: another short one shotfluffy angst once againt.w depression, suicide, i think that's it hopefully"The thoughts keep running through his head, the thoughts of Phil walking in to find Dan curled up in a corner drinking, thoughts of the way Phil's soft blue eyes filled with disappointment when he found out the truth, the way he felt when he knew he let the one person he cared about the most down."





	im sorry || phan

Phil drops his gaze from the ceiling to the sleeping boy next him running his hand through Dan's curly hair. Phil lays his head down on top of the boy's head feeling the soft locks on his cheek.

It was unusual for Phil to be awake so late but tonight he had a lot on his mind. He didn't mind being awake though especially when he got to witness the image of Dan sleeping. There was something Phil loved about it although he didn't quite know what, maybe it was the fact that when Dan was asleep Phil knew he was content for once.

Phil places a soft kiss on Dan's forehead before rolling over trying to get some sleep himself as he sees the sun rising through the crack in the blinds that lay opposite them.

The next morning Phil awakes to the sound of banging coming for the kitchen. He sits up before groggily reaching out to their bedside table for his glasses. He slowly makes his way to the kitchen still half asleep.

"D-Dan, what are you doing?" he asks squinting his eyes to avoid the light, half expecting the worst.

"Oh...uh Phil hi" Dan mumbles surprised to see the older boy standing in the doorway.

"I was trying to make you breakfast, you know as an apology... for what happened last night" He continues awkwardly.

Last night wasn't one of Dan's let's say greatest moments, it was a night that Dan wish he could forget but not one he could. The thoughts keep running through his head, the thoughts of Phil walking in to find Dan curled up in a corner drinking, thoughts of the way Phil's soft blue eyes filled with disappointment when he found out the truth well part of it, the way he felt when he knew he let the one person he cared about the most down.

"I'm really s-sorry" Dan says stuttering before walking out of the room not wanting to face the boy he lied to.

Phil just stands there watching Dan walk out. Is this what it's going to be like now? Phil feels like he should be mad at Dan but he isn't. All he feels is disappointment. "Why didn't Dan tell me sooner? Does he not trust me?" The thoughts continued to run through his head.

Phil snaps out of his trance to see a bowl of cereal sitting across the bench with a cup of coffee next to it. He smiles at the gesture.

"You know i'll always be here for you right?" Phil says softly entering the room and taking a place on the sofa next to Dan. Dan just continues staring straight ahead at his laptop.

"Dan" Phil says louder, with more purpose in his voice.

The younger boy looks up at Phil's soft blue eyes staring up at him and he has to use every amount of willpower in his body to not break down there and then.

"I understand" Dan replies weakly.

Phil moves closer to Dan planting a soft kiss on his cheek before wrapping arms around the boy as Dan rested his head on Phil's shoulder. They stay there for a while, embracing each other.

 

A few days past mainly consisting of laying on each for hours, barely speaking just doing their own thing on their laptops.

"Dan i'm worried about you" Phil says abruptly looking down at Dan.

"Well you don't need to be" He replies quickly.

"How do I know that?"

"Phil just trust me, i'm fine" Dan snaps getting slightly annoyed by Phil's pushy behaviour.

"Well how am I meant to trust you when you promised you would stop and you didn't!" Phil yells.

Silence falls among them and they both just sit still for a while before Dan gets up off Phil's lap, walking out.

\----------------------------------------------

"Why are you such a fuck up?" Dan thinks to himself as he sits on his bed resisting the urge to grab the bottle of alcohol that's in the top draw.

He kept it there knowing Phil would never find it as the two of them were normally in his room. He hated himself so much for that, for hiding it from Phil but it was his only coping mechanism.

"I shouldn't of snapped" He continues back in thought.

Phil was the one person who's always been there for Dan through everything when no one else was and Dan loved him for that. He loved Phil's soft, gentle eyes that would stare into his, the way Phil would kiss him making Dan forget all his problems, the list is endless. He just had to fuck this all up tho, the one good thing in his life.

"Fuck!" Dan screams in annoyance. He reaches into his top draw pushing the bags of other substance to the side,grabbing the full bottle. He sits against his wall, taking big gulps of the liquid letting it burn his throat. He keeps this up as the constant thoughts take over his mind until everything goes black.

\---------------------------------------------------

Around two hours pass of Phil sitting on the couch alone scrolling through Tumblr. Feeling guilty for pushing Dan he decides to go find him.

"Dan?" Phil says knocking on the bedroom door.

No reply.

"Dan are you in there?" Phil shouts at the door.

After more silence Phil opens the door walking in to find a collapsed Dan laying against the wall, an empty liquor bottle in front of him.

Phil freezes the memories flooding back. The memories of a lifeless Dan laying on the bathroom floor, of Dan laying pale faced in a hospital bed.

Phil snaps back to reality and runs over to the collapsed Dan laying on the ground. He kneels down next to the unconscious boy shaking him slowly.

"D-Dan" Phil shouts at the boy, tears now collecting in his eyes as his picks him up and holds him. He pulls his phone out of his back pocket calling an ambulance immediately.

Phil will never forget the way they carried Dan's body out of the room into the ambulance, it was a sight Phil new all to well.

\-------------------------------------------

Phil sits in the old hospital chair that is positioned next Dan's hospital bed staring at Dan's unmoving body.

"Why did you have to do this Dan?" Phil says walking over to his bed, becoming teary eyed actually processing the events of the past few days.

Phil wipes away his tears quickly as a nurse walks into the hospital room.

"Well because this isn't his first time having large alcohol intake, we think he could have some minor liver damage but we can't be certain and even if he does it should be fixable" The nurse says.

"Minor liver damage?" Phil says slowly

"I'm sorry why don't you go home and get some sleep you've been here for awhile"

"I can't leave Dan"

"We will call if anything happens"

"I'm staying" Phil snaps.

"O-okay" The nurse stutters taken aback by the fact a gentle looking man just snapped at her before walking out of the room.

Phil walks back over to Dan's bed gently laying down next to him but making sure not to hurt him.

"D-Dan" Phil starts on the verge of crying.

"P-please be okay. I need you Dan" The boy whispers before falling asleep next to the love of his life.

That night Phil is met with a number of flashbacks. He sees Dan from 5 years ago lying lifelessly on the bathroom floor of Dan's parents house, the way Dan's parents blamed it on him because they couldn't accept the fact that they were just shit parents that didn't notice their son was falling apart and the way Dan was lying in a hospital bed similar to how he is now.

Phil sits up abruptly, panicked. He looks down and sees Dan lying next him still unconscious. He checks his phone for the time. 5am. He mustn't have slept long. 

Phil looks down once again at the younger boy laying there.

"We had a promise" Phil whispers remembering back to night after Dan got out of hospital.

The two had just got back to Phil's apartment so Dan didn't have to deal with his parents and Phil was helping Dan to couch so he could rest further.

"Dan, how long has this been going on?" Phil asked.

"A-awhile, I'm sorry" A drowsy Dan replied.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I-i don't know, it was a mistake"

Phil paused not knowing what to say next.

"Just promise me this won't happen again" he said gently

"I promise" Dan says before falling asleep on Phil.

Phil was snapped out of his thoughts as the nurse from before walked in.

"Oh you're awake now, you guys are cute you know I saw you asleep together before" She says.

"Thanks" Phil replies not wanting to have to deal with this stupid lady again.

"So i have some news to tell you know that you're awake" The nurse says her expression changing quickly.

"W-what?"

"Unfortunately the damage is worse than we originally thought, we don't think he'll make it" She continues.

"What do you mean? It was only one bottle of alcohol, I thought he just had some minor liver damage." Phil replies tearing up quickly.

The nurse walks over and sits next to Phil placing a soft hand on his back.

"They're are symptoms of long-term alcohol use in his body as well as other abusive drugs, it was only a matter of time until this happened." The nurse said.

By that moment Phil can't take anymore, he breaks down crying falling off the bed onto his knees. How could Dan do this to him. Yes Phil knew about Dan's parent induced depression but he didn't realize how bad it was.

"I'm sorry about this, I think I'll give you some space" The nurse says before walking out not knowing what else to do.

After about five minutes Phil regains the ability to control himself. He picks himself up walks back over to the chair in the corner sitting down. He sits there letting his thoughts consume him, thoughts of how his last conversation with Dan ever could be Phil pushing him.

"If I didn't say anything then we would be at home now, cuddled up on the sofa watching anime" He thought to him

"P-Phil" A weak voice says from the hospital bed interrupting Phil's thoughts.

"Dan?" Phil gets up, running over to the bed to see a pale faced Dan looking up at him.

"I-I'm sorry" The younger boy says weakly before closing his eyes again and loud beeping filled the room.

"Dan no!" Phil screams. "Help someone please"

As the doctors fill the room Phil gets pushed out. They start to hook Dan up to multiple machines trying to revive him. Phil losing hope, not being able to watch starts running. He keeps going throw all the long twisted corridors until he reaches the exit where he falls to the ground.

He stays there for a while not knowing what to do, Dan was gone, the person he cared about the most. Phil then remembers the pills in Dan's bedside draw at home.

He calls a taxi to get him home and after waiting about 15 minutes one arrives. Once he arrives he runs up the many flights of stairs, tripping up them multiple before stumbling throw the front door which was still unlocked. He runs into the shared room grabbing the bottle of pills, holding them in his hand for a minute reading the label that said "Sleeping Pills for medical use only" over and over.

Phil opens the bottle and tips as many pills as possible into his hand before swallowing them all letting his world fade to black.

Little did he know that in a hospital room not that far away a miracle had happened and a young man of 26 had been stabilised.


End file.
